Dear People Who Think It's Okay to Ask If We're "Trying"
Thursday, February 17, 2011![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh8sx6dGnGP2eTarYaA_u4YuXZTazD5KdXAcAGV8F2Es3k8Z5Ra7uQlQ0VRZp-a_iDb4uK5U97YppvAwCVe-GzYwoZelUPPlALpaGjN_YrCVRt70dePWNWTU-ACmrQTex3gSoDX3WiAA/s1600/Dear+People+-+Baby.jpg)
It's not okay.
Are you aware that your question could essentially be rephrased as, "So, having lots of unprotected sex?" or "So, you've been married for a while and still no baby - fertility problems?"
Do you *really* want to know the answer to either of those questions?
If you're my very, very good friend, and we're having a private discussion (preferably involving wine) about, say, the interaction between having children and having a career, or whether my mum being ill has affected our thinking on having children (newsflash: it kind of affects our thinking on everything, so, duh) then I'll let you away with it.
Or if you're my doctor, ok. MAYBE.
But if you're a casual acquaintance, and we're down the pub?
It's. Not. Okay.
Ever.
Ever.
Love and kisses,
Frustrated Newlywed
Image: Me, on my first day in the big proper cot that my aunty bought me. My mum says I was sort of excited and terrified at the same time. I think the face says it all.
9 boats moored
What an awesome picture--so expressive and perfectly illustrative of the reaction most sane people have upon being asked that question! And it's you (not a random Internet picture of a stranger), how fun!
ReplyDeleteI love when people ask if we're trying for a baby (married 7 months)... it allows me to stare blankly at them, blink once or twice, and politely say, "I'm sorry?" until they realise that what they've said is actually rather inappropriate. I can only hope that maybe that way they'll think before saying it to the next person!
Cheeks! :)
ReplyDeleteOh man - I hadn't thought about how the question could be rephrased. Not because I go around asking, but because I'd love to turn it around on them. Especially the fertility bit, because that's an instant awkward moment.
Bwahah! I got asked that on our wedding day. OUR WEDDING DAY. FFS.
ReplyDeleteI get it all the time. Married two years now... I went back home and saw some people and they all stared at my stomach as if it would give them some clue as to when/if I might be pregnant.
ReplyDeletepeople don't ask so much as demand: my grand father, my mother, my in laws, my husband's work buddies. When it's family, they see a baby, look at me, and say "see that? I want one of those." When it's friends/co-workers it's not "have you started" but "you should start"
ReplyDeleteyeah.
(I think it's 'cause I just turned 30)
Kahlia - Thanks! My bridesmaids scanned a whole load of baby/child/awkward teenager pictures of my for my hen party, so I have a ready supply of hilarious pictures for any topic. I love your suggested response - so far my approach has been to laugh awkwardly, immediately change the subject, and then write passive aggressive blog posts about it.
ReplyDeleteKristy - you are so right. Don't get me wrong, I love awkward moments, when they're happening to other people.
Peonies - truly, words fail me.
Marie - Next time you're home you should put a cushion up your jumper when you get off the plane. That would teach them.
Lauren - well, I mean, no wonder, if you're as OLD as THIRTY, in the words of my 5-year-old cousin, "you're almost dead". ("How funny", I said through gritted teeth...)
Why oh why would anyone ask that?
ReplyDeleteI'm know everyone is thinking it about us but so far only our 6 year old niece has asked "have you had any kids yet?" 2 months after the wedding.
Kiara that's hilarious! Bless. Ok I'll forgive her too.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so feeling this......just back from ten days in Italy, been asked 6 times in 10 days by people in every age group from 33 to 93.....only married 8 months....also told once by one particularly charming person that they wish us "male children"....
ReplyDelete