Dear People Who Think It's Okay to Ask If We're "Trying"
Thursday, February 17, 2011
It's not okay.
Are you aware that your question could essentially be rephrased as, "So, having lots of unprotected sex?" or "So, you've been married for a while and still no baby - fertility problems?"
Do you *really* want to know the answer to either of those questions?
If you're my very, very good friend, and we're having a private discussion (preferably involving wine) about, say, the interaction between having children and having a career, or whether my mum being ill has affected our thinking on having children (newsflash: it kind of affects our thinking on everything, so, duh) then I'll let you away with it.
Or if you're my doctor, ok. MAYBE.
But if you're a casual acquaintance, and we're down the pub?
It's. Not. Okay.
Ever.
Ever.
Love and kisses,
Frustrated Newlywed
Image: Me, on my first day in the big proper cot that my aunty bought me. My mum says I was sort of excited and terrified at the same time. I think the face says it all.
9 boats moored
What an awesome picture--so expressive and perfectly illustrative of the reaction most sane people have upon being asked that question! And it's you (not a random Internet picture of a stranger), how fun!
ReplyDeleteI love when people ask if we're trying for a baby (married 7 months)... it allows me to stare blankly at them, blink once or twice, and politely say, "I'm sorry?" until they realise that what they've said is actually rather inappropriate. I can only hope that maybe that way they'll think before saying it to the next person!
Cheeks! :)
ReplyDeleteOh man - I hadn't thought about how the question could be rephrased. Not because I go around asking, but because I'd love to turn it around on them. Especially the fertility bit, because that's an instant awkward moment.
Bwahah! I got asked that on our wedding day. OUR WEDDING DAY. FFS.
ReplyDeleteI get it all the time. Married two years now... I went back home and saw some people and they all stared at my stomach as if it would give them some clue as to when/if I might be pregnant.
ReplyDeletepeople don't ask so much as demand: my grand father, my mother, my in laws, my husband's work buddies. When it's family, they see a baby, look at me, and say "see that? I want one of those." When it's friends/co-workers it's not "have you started" but "you should start"
ReplyDeleteyeah.
(I think it's 'cause I just turned 30)
Kahlia - Thanks! My bridesmaids scanned a whole load of baby/child/awkward teenager pictures of my for my hen party, so I have a ready supply of hilarious pictures for any topic. I love your suggested response - so far my approach has been to laugh awkwardly, immediately change the subject, and then write passive aggressive blog posts about it.
ReplyDeleteKristy - you are so right. Don't get me wrong, I love awkward moments, when they're happening to other people.
Peonies - truly, words fail me.
Marie - Next time you're home you should put a cushion up your jumper when you get off the plane. That would teach them.
Lauren - well, I mean, no wonder, if you're as OLD as THIRTY, in the words of my 5-year-old cousin, "you're almost dead". ("How funny", I said through gritted teeth...)
Why oh why would anyone ask that?
ReplyDeleteI'm know everyone is thinking it about us but so far only our 6 year old niece has asked "have you had any kids yet?" 2 months after the wedding.
Kiara that's hilarious! Bless. Ok I'll forgive her too.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so feeling this......just back from ten days in Italy, been asked 6 times in 10 days by people in every age group from 33 to 93.....only married 8 months....also told once by one particularly charming person that they wish us "male children"....
ReplyDelete