Advice for a happy marriage I

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

No, don't worry, I'm not going to try and give you advice on how to have a happy marriage. I mean, I've only been married for seven months. There's no way I have the wisdom or experience to even consider trying to advise someone else. That would be crrrrazy!

So. Let's ask a bunch of eight-year-olds instead!

I ordered this book in the midst of a mildly irrational panic over our wedding guest book. I have a weird pathological hatred of traditional guest books, partly because it's hard enough to think what to write in a wedding card so having to think of *another* congratulatory message after a few glasses of fizzy is even worse, and partly because it really, really bothers me that you might end up with loads of empty pages left over in the back of the book (told you it was weird). I had a vague idea that people could write in the margins of a picture book, so even if there were pages left over at least they wouldn't be blank. In the end we didn't use it (one of many discarded ideas) but I found the book the other day, and it has some really quite useful advice.

Like this:

See? Practical, honest and *totally* achievable. Bonus points for the helpful illustrations.

Also, this:

I suspect that having triplets and staying wealthy may be mutually exclusive. But how did they know the Hubster used to have sideburns like that?

Of course, some of the advice is genuinely quite sweet. Like this one:

Awww. (If you're the bride, you might also want to shave off your big red beard before the wedding. Just a suggestion.)

Some are more blunt than others:

Fair enough. I'm not that into polygamy either.

I love this one:

I would just have solved this problem by saying no to marrying someone who didn't like hot dogs (because what sort of freak doesn't like hot dogs??*).

Finally, this particular child has hit the nail on the head. If there is one tip that is guaranteed to lead to a long and happy marriage, it is this:

Some excellent advice. Thank you, Miss Dietz's third grade class, for your words of wisdom.

This is not the only fascinating source of marriage advice I found in my bookshelves. Come back for next week's instalment, in which Mrs Dorothy Stote shall advise the modern bride on such important topics as "Should you wear a girdle?" and "Making the kitchen attractive" (not making this up)...

*Ok, I stopped eating hot dogs when I read the magic words "mechanically-recovered chicken" on the tin, but that doesn't mean I don't LIKE them...

Images from Advice for a Happy Marriage: From Miss Dietz's Third-Grade Class. Bunnies via captainsubtle's flickr


9 boats moored

  1. This is funny ;)

  2. Triplets are totally the answer. I mean, two babies are brilliant so imagine how good THREE would be.

  3. Okay, I think I've got this down. If we get the triplets and bunnies but then have only hot dogs for all of our meals, I think we can manage not to lose all our wealth.

    Unless one of us goes and marries another person. That's just too much to manage.

  4. *Get Kosher hot dogs. All pork, and not the questionable kind.

  5. Oh me oh my, this is wonderful! I shall try and do everything they recommend, except maybe the triplets, the idea of being pregnant to triplets terrfies me.

  6. I'm glad you all agree that this is excellent advice. I will be putting it into action as soon as possible. Although I think the husband might exercise his right to say 'no' to the triplets. And also possibly the bunnies. Whatever, once I track down those kosher hot dogs I'm sure he'll come around.

  7. Um, by Kosher hot dog, I obviously can't mean pork, since that would be unkosher. How about Kosher beef? Since that's what a Kosher hot dog would actually be. (I realized this about a day after I commented and had to rectify because I felt so dumb.)

  8. This is fantastic and just made my day so much better - might have to buy a copy myself. I'd most like to take them up on the "get bunnies" advice, though I fear the cat might not be so happy.

  9. I agree with the guestbook thing; there is nothing worse than having 50 pages of people not knowing what to write or not bothering at all.

    We already had a standard guest book we got from my parents at christmas so I decided on some questions, got it made into a stamp and stamped 2 on each page of the book for our guests to fill in (with space for a pic of them beside it); it gave them a prompt rather than them having to think of something randomly.

    Of course we do still have some pages blank which couldnt be helped.

    Good advice; Ill try and follow the stay wealthy & mostly say yes plans!


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