Sure, I thought. I'll play that game. I mean, I threw out several pairs of shoes in The Great Decluttering of 2011, and several more prior to moving into our new flat. I trimmed my shoe collection down to the barest minimum, only keeping what was absolutely necessary (bearing in mind the fickleness of Scottish weather and the very real possibility that one might need a pair of sparkly stilleto boots at a moment's notice). I was ruthless, I tell you. Ruthless. 

The average response on Twitter was around 10-12 pairs of shoes, including flip flops and snow shoes but not, presumably, ski boots. Those really aren't shoes. That said, I did once see a man wearing a pair of ski boots boarding an Easyjet flight. Some people will do anything to stay within that baggage allowance. 

Anyway, I guessed I probably had a few more pairs than the average person, but nothing too extravagant, given the extent of my decluttering campaigns. Say, 15 pairs; 18, max. But to make sure I was giving as accurate a response as possible, I decided I'd better count them. Didn't want to corrupt the data, you see.

So I counted them.

There were 43.

FORTY THREE PAIRS OF SHOES. 

To put that in context, I could wear a different pair of shoes every day from now until Christmas and never wear the same pair twice, if I didn't think I'd lose a toe wearing flip flops in Scotland in December.

I don't know what's more insane: that I actually own 43 pairs of shoes, or that in my head I thought I had less than half that amount.

People, I need reassurance. Tell me: what's your number? How many pairs of shoes do you own? And before you get too smug thinking you only have like three pairs - just count 'em. You might be surprised.

{Shoe illustration by Anna See on etsy}

Hmm, how to explain the Nosy Bitches? The easiest way to describe them would be a random group of women who chat on twitter, but that would make it sound tragic, so let's call it a network of smart, interesting, funny ladies who originally found each other through the A Practical Wedding community (which is, by the way, scientifically proven to be awesome) and who continue to offer each other support, advice, hilarity and cake through the medium of social networking. Does that sound any better? Probably not. Let's move swiftly on. 

So the super-stylish Ms Bunny organised the first ever Nosy Bitches Non-Denominational Gift Giver. This is essentially a Secret Santa, but shhh, don't tell them I said that. Inevitably, being the Joiner that I am (hello, In Her Own Words and APW Book Club and Any Other Party and Blook Club and and and...), I signed up. Because who doesn't need an extra gift to buy/make and send internationally in the middle of December? Not this girl!

Well, people, let me tell you. The Nosy Bitches are called that for a reason. They know things. Over the last few days, my twitter feed has been packed with incredulous tweets as, one by one, the recipients received thoughtful, meaningful, utterly perfect gifts and asked, without irony and without exception, HOW DID YOU KNOW?? 

The answer, of course, is BECAUSE YOU PUT YOUR WHOLE LIFE ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. Which might be slightly worrying, if it weren't for the fact that there are presents. Presents make up for a lot. And the present my Nosy Bitch sent to me is no exception.

Before I tell you what it was, let's examine the evidence. 

EXHIBIT A: LIKES GREYHOUNDS.

You might not be aware of this, but I recently got a dog. I may have mentioned it once or twice. I'm not sure.

EXHIBIT B: LIKES VINTAGE STYLE

Much as the word "vintage" makes me squirm, I am on record as having a bit of a thing for classic silhouettes and period style. If you were to take a peek at my pins, the sharp-eyed might notice I have a bit of a thing for fashion illustration, like this beautiful watercolour, and if you're a serious, hardcore stalker, you might have clocked the reproduction vintage poster in the background of that picture of Smidgen up there. You might also be sitting outside my house right now. But let's hope not.

EXHIBIT C: LIKES PEOPLE POSING WITH DOGS

Like here, and here, and here. Oh and let's not forget here.

So, let's recap. Likes greyhounds. Likes vintage style and fashion illustration. Likes people posing with dogs. Hmm, if only there was some sort of vintage-style fashion illustration of a person posing with a greyhound sitting under my Christmas tree...

Can you actually believe it? It's so perfect, it's almost creepy. I love it. Thank you so much, Ariel. I am honestly, truly touched that you thought of me and what I might like, and didn't just shove some hole-y knitting and some chocolate in an envelope like I did (I'll tell you what I made for my Nosy Bitch when I know she's received it I've recovered from the shame of my crappy knitting). 

I've written before about internet relationships crossing over into our real, everyday lives. Having this package appear and sit underneath my Christmas tree for a few days, until I finally caved and opened it last night (what? It's meant to be non-denominational, okay?), felt very real to me. It was a tangible, visible reminder of how far I've come in the last 11 months of blogging and how many kind and generous people I've met, whether in person or otherwise.

I hope to be back with another post some time before Christmas but, until then, I hope the next few days are as calm, peaceful and filled with joy as they possibly can be.

{Images: 1. Typewriter by What Kristen Saw taken at the Lovely Pigeon Christmas Event 2. First posted here 3. Gemma Milly, first posted here 4. Me and Smidgen by Lauren McGlynn 5. By me, clearly.}

Oh look, another month, another blog love post missed. Whoops. I do have one in mind; I just haven't, erm, found time to write it yet. Sorry about that.

So, instead, I'm setting you a Friday shopping challenge. After the success of the now legendary yellow skirt hunt, I wondered if I could enlist your help once again? I have been suddenly struck with an irresistible desire for a pair of red skinny jeans, as a potential dress alternative for Any Other Party. (Apparently "cocktail jeans" are all the rage. Who knew?)

These bad boys are currently topping my wish list. I already have the same jeans in washed-out black and I love that they're not too low-waisted (the higher they go, more they hold in, obv). But then I noticed they were described as "Tangerine", and come to think of it they did look a little orange, so naturally I turned to twitter for advice. Views on the colour ranged from tomato to orange bell pepper - vegetable chic is so in this season, don't you know - to Fanta-coloured, to "if you painted black stripes on them, you would look like a tiger", to my personal favourite: "red, orange - it's still totally hot". Indeed.

I might order them anyway, just to check the colour, since my local Topshop(s) aren't stocking them. Ooh, or if anyone is hitting the shops this lunchtime and happens to see them, could you let me know?! Because if they are a bit orange, they simply won't do.

I have my heart set on red. 

Louboutin red. Ferrari red. Hello magazine red. You know the red I mean? Yes?

Ok then, so I need a pair of succulent skinny jeans, not too pricey please, available in or shippable to the UK, in THAT red. Think you can find them for me? Okay... go!

P.S. If you want to post a link in the comments, here's a handy guide to making them clickable (rather than copyandpasteable), courtesy of East Side Bride:

<a href="http://lewebsite.com/">Le Website</a>
or
<a href="PASTE THE LINK HERE">WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CALL THE LINK?</a>

Image via WHERE?? WHERE IS IT FROM?? If you can find *that*, you totally win.

I may have mentioned once or twice or a million times that Fin and I are going on holiday, to visit his family in California. Well in case I hadn't made this clear, we're leaving on MONDAY, people! How exciting is that?? Ok, it's not that exciting for you, unless you happen to live in San Francisco and will get to experience the thrill of being within a 10-mile radius of me (in which case, email me! We'll do drinks!), but it's very exciting for us. 

Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that I had a little, erm, blip on Wednesday. I may have exhibited some unladylike ranting behaviour. Sorry about that. But I'm back stronger than ever, and embracing the advice that all my awesome Twitter friends were kind enough to give me: basically, as long you have a drink in one hand and a book in the other, you're going to have a good time on holiday. Truth.

Note that nobody suggested "a laptop balanced precariously on your lap" as being conducive to an enjoyable vacation. And with good reason. You know I love this blogging thing. I love writing, I love the opportunity to be creative, and above all I love the amazing community of intelligent, awesome women I have been lucky enough to stumble upon. But I'm not going to lie. It can be tiring. It can be time-consuming. It can be frustrating. None of which exactly screams "dream holiday".

All of which is a long-winded way of saying, I'm going to be taking a wee break. For the next three weeks, I will NOT be writing, I will NOT be tweeting, I will NOT be pinning, and I will probably not be commenting on or even reading your blogs. Well... okay, I might do a little bit of all of the above. But I won't be doing it all day, every day when I'm meant to be working.

But! But but but! Don't worry! You didn't think I was going to leave you with nothing to read for three whole weeks, did you? Of course not, I would never do that to you. And so, ladies (and gentlemen, I know there are at least two of you), allow me to unveil:


It's the Summer Love-In! Every day for the next three weeks, I will be introducing a guest post from a different person, be they a blogger, a reader, a friend or family member. I really wanted to mix it up and bring you posts from people who maybe don't blog at all or who are new to it, as well as posts from some established and kickass bloggers whose writing I admire (and ideally want to steal and pretend I wrote it).

There were no rules for the guest posts, other than a general "summer" theme, whatever summer means to each person. Unsurprisingly, the posts are diverse as the bloggers themselves, from a wise and thoughtful post on how to marry a doctor to the sweetest little poem, heartbreaking tales of growing up and a hilarious diatribe on the problem with shorts.

I hope to pop in from time to time to update you on my travails, I mean travels, and I haven't forgotten this month's Blog Love (hint: think San Fran), but in the meantime I'm counting on you to give these lovely ladies a hugely warm welcome and lots of nice comments (I'm looking at you, blurkers) - don't let me down!

I'll be back in July, hopefully tanned, well-rested and brimming with ideas, inspiration and more of the usual nonsense. See you on the flip side.

♥

San Francisco poster, from $30, Heads of State

Since I spent approximately two hours playing with this last night, I thought I would be generous and share with you, dear readers, some of the trends I spotted in my predictions. You're welcome.

1. I appear to use the words "lovely", "woop" and, oddly, "cutlery" worryingly often.

 4. Twitter seems to think I'm a sex spammer...

6. ...and just an all-round egotistical beeyatch.

7. I am waaay more enthusiastic on Twitter than I am in real life.

And I leave you with this final thought.

I wasn't going to post anything today. The Hubster is getting mightily sick of me tapping away at the laptop every evening (I can't help it ok? Blogging is FUN!) and I promised him a day off. So this isn't really a proper post. It doesn't count. At all. 

I just thought you might be interested to know that, after my weekend of lusting after a certain pair of sweet-smelling, heart-encrusted, retrolicious shoes, yesterday the evidently psychic Rock n' Roll Bride tweeted a link to 20% off said shoes. With free delivery. For one week only.

IT'S A SIGN, PEOPLE.

So, as directed by the Universe, I *may* have just bought these little babies:



'Twitter' fine art photograph, currently 20% off, from irenesuchocki on etsy

First, it connected me with the lovely Julie. Julie is a wife and mother to young kids, and she is currently going through the joys of chemo. I didn't know it when Breast Cancer Care tweeted about her blog, but she actually knows my parents and had been chatting with my mum in the chemo ward not so long ago. Perhaps unsurprisingly, when she read the post I wrote the other day, it made her cry (actually, I know she wasn't the only one. So if you cried too, I'm sorry). But it also moved her to write very honestly about how it feels from the opposite persepctive; to have a daughter, and have breast cancer. Which made me cry. So now we're even.

Secondly, twitter told me this:

Yeah, twitter. I wish.

P.S. I'm no Stephen Fry, but you can follow me here, if you like.