I'm sorry, WHO?

Wednesday, September 07, 2011


I make no secret of the fact that I'm a Strictly Come Dancing fan. It's not an exaggeration to say it's one of the highlights of my year. That wall display up there? I made it. That's right. I also cut out and hand-lettered eight complete sets of gold paper scoring paddles for my friends and me. Some people might say I have too much time on my hands; I prefer to think of myself as simply enthusiastic. Either way, when I heard this year's squadron of starlets was to be revealed yesterday, naturally I was beyond excited.

Excited, that is, right up until the moment they were announced.





Seriously, BBC, WHO??? Did you already spend all of your budget on Formula One and royal wedding documentaries? Who are these people?!

Okay fine, it's not a total celebrity vacuum, but Lulu and Jason Donovan can't carry an entire series on their teeny tiny shoulders, not even with the assistance of mildly attractive actress-turned-popstar-turned-actress-again Holly Valance (you know, that one that used to be on Neighbours). Thank God for Kristina Rihanoff, that's all I have to say.


Speaking of old Lulu, the hot question on everybody's lips (fine, just mine) is whether she'll be going for Posh Lulu or Weegie Lulu. For those not familiar, Lulu, like my mum, grew up in Glasgow in the 50s and 60s (my mum once chatted to her in the toilets in a club when she was a teenager. Terrible skin, apparently. So there you go).

Upon Lulu's arrival in London in the early 60s and her sudden rise to international popstardom, she promptly abandoned her Scottish roots to adopt a bizarre mid-Atlantic accent, something she has valiantly maintained to this day. So what? She wouldn't be the first and won't be the last to discard a regional accent to advance her career (although she should have done her research first; just check out this not-at-all biased article from the Glasgow Herald entitled "Scottish accent is best, yet another survey reveals". Indeed).

But what really hacks me off is the fact that when she does decide to grace our humble country with her presence, she feels the need to don the most ridiculous faux-Scottish accent you have ever heard. Seriously - just listen. Does she think we're daft? Does she think we don't have televisions north of the border?

Lulu, love, the game's up. If you want Scotland to vote for you (incidentally, why, in these TV talent shows, do people feel compelled to vote along national lines? Just look at Jedward - don't you think the Irish regret it now?) then the time has come to just pick an accent and stick with it. Stop changing your accent more often than you change your sparkly, flesh-coloured leotards. Thanks.

Anyone else got Strictly fever?


**If you've come here from the BBC Strictly website in search of more Strictly goodness, I strongly suggest you check out these amazing write-ups. Seriously. You won't regret it.**

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15 boats moored

  1. Linsey7 September 2011 at 09:34

    I totally agree. I looked at the list and had to google some of them to find out who they were - not high quality, that's BBC cuts for you!
    And Lulu drives me nuts with her stupid accent and dressing far too young.

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  2. amy f7 September 2011 at 11:20

    Oh I can't stand Lulu. Or Holly Valance, for that matter.

    Anita Dobson and Jason Donavan will be getting my support. (not votes though, I don't go that far)

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  3. Kate7 September 2011 at 13:55

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Colin7 September 2011 at 16:44

    Perhaps Lulu is frightened of being mocked for using Americanisms.

    Are you saying that from now on, I should only use American vernacular when I visit the motherland, in order to avoid being accused of pandering?

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  5. Kirsty | A Safe Mooring7 September 2011 at 16:51

    Perhaps you're right Colin, mockery is always a risk for any Scot that's done good. Can't have them getting above themselves, clearly.

    I think you should start talking in a broad Scottish accent every time you come home. I would find it endlessly entertaining.

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  6. Isobel7 September 2011 at 19:35

    OK Sept 4th 1964 your uncle and I out on our 1st date saw Lulu and the Lovers(before she tossed them aside!)at the Kelvin Hall.Between songs this lovely wee girl in the audience jumped up and shouted"Hello Marie it's me"..I can't remember if Lulu replied and with which accent;she was probably mortified we found our her real name!Having managed to more or less hang on to my accent after 29 yrs in the US Lulu's "twang" pisses me off!!

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  7. Colin7 September 2011 at 19:43

    Kirsty, I'll have you know that, aged 7 or 8, I trained myself to a reasonable level of expertise in Glasgow patter using a book of Big Yin cartoons... during a car trip to the south of France. I was *super* popular by the time we rolled into St. Aygulf, I can tell you.

    Anyway, since your entertainment is paramount, I shall start practicing for our next visit (don't know about this "home" business though!)

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  8. Spare Thoughts7 September 2011 at 20:30

    Nobody or not you know you'll soon have favourites and be cheering them every week. Along with those you are desperate to get voted off.

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  9. Amy8 September 2011 at 17:13

    You've surprised me Kirsty, I'd have had you down for a Russell Grant fan actually!

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  10. Kirsty | A Safe Mooring12 September 2011 at 11:35

    Amy - funnily enough you're not the first person to say that to me! Maybe I should be checking out his back catalogue, I must be missing out...

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  11. Tanya14 November 2011 at 04:05

    Just found your blog through a link on the Strictly website. Within 10 minutes I have discovered that you are as giddily excited about Strictly as myself and some of the people I love most dearly, and you also love rum and the lyrics of S.P. Morrisey (whilst acknowledging his less attractive qualities) and hate people who ask "are you trying?" For all these reasons, I am very glad to have stumbled across this blog.

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  12. Kirsty | A Safe Mooring14 November 2011 at 10:50

    Hi Tanya! About six million people (roughly) have clicked through that link on the Strictly website and you are the first to leave a comment, so THANK YOU. You have made my day. And also made me realise it's been 13 days since I blogged something and I'd really better get my arse in gear.

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  13. Anonymous22 November 2011 at 14:00

    Just to let you know, we are unable to vote in Ireland for the X Factor.

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  14. Kirsty | A Safe Mooring22 November 2011 at 16:22

    Whoops, sorry! Totally should have realised that, I think I must have been thinking of the Eurovision Song Contest. I take it back - we have nobody to blame for Jedward but ourselves...

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  15. Kathryn28 November 2011 at 09:17

    And I thought Kelvin Hall was a person....

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