Dear People Who Run Topshop

Thursday, May 12, 2011

WTF is this?

Weird greige one-armed leotard thing, £89 (yes, £89)

Is this for real? Are you just trying to make me feel old?

I was not aware that leotards had become (a) socially acceptable and (b) worth eighty-nine quid.

And I mean, where do you even wear something like this?

Scab-coloured sheer blouse/skirt/whatever, £35

High collar + dark colour = work-type scenario.
And yet, see-through skirt bit + highly flammable fabric = PARTAY!

What happened, Topshop? How did it come to this?
Yes, those are Brown. Crochet. Shorts. £36

I remember when Topshop used to be my first stop on Princes Street. My friends and I would excitedly swarm up the steps from the station, a giggling gaggle of hormones and pocket money. 

You were the purveyor of my first pair of the finest jelly shoes. My first ever too-tight pencil skirt. My sage-green chenille cardigan that I wore with a beige v-neck t-shirt. I looked HAWT.

Trousers made from curtains! It's upcycling! Genius! £45

Were you always like this, and I, in my youthful naivety and chronic 1990s style-blindness, simply didn't realise? Could it be that my sparkly jelly shoes and my clunky chenille cardigan were - whisper it - not actually all that nice??

Crochet blanket fringe vest (that's its ACTUAL NAME), £32

No. It was never as bad as this.

So long, Topshop. It was fun while it lasted.

Lots of love,
Apparently Deeply Unfashionable Shopper

All images via Topshop

20 boats moored

  1. folks back in ATX wear this stuff "ironically". My old roommate came to the UK and fell absolutely in love with top shop b/c she could always find the tackiest clothes there. She would love that leotard... but i'm with you. leotard = no effing way.

  2. Tears. That's all. Fashion makes me cry.

  3. Haha this has me in stitches (excuse the pun)! You're so right. Crochet shorts and one-armed leotrards so wrong. Then again maybe I'm just not down wit the kids :)

  4. The leotard thing I think would work well with Princess Beatrice's wedding hat, no?

  5. Leotards should only be worn in dance studios.

  6. oh lummy! you really do make me laugh! being *cough several years older than you i'm not sure whether to be relieved that a 20something also finds these clothes bizarre or concerned that soon i will be reduced to shopping only from the likes of M&S (the bit that twiggy models for!) But, if this is fashion then i'm happy to be unfashionable whatever my age!

  7. Emma - Aphroditeswb15 May 2011 at 21:15

    Yes!!! I totally agree and am so pleased that someone else feels the same because I thought I was just becoming too uncool for Topshop!! Great post :) x

  8. ha ha totally agree with you, I only look at their bags now, even most of the shoes are a bit weird.

  9. ha, i've fallen out with topshop too. i am also falling in love with per una at m&s. i feel like the worst 26 year old ever...

  10. This post made me laugh at my desk as I too had a chenille cardigan (light turquoise for me)and a too-tight pencil skirt! And I totally agree TopShop is a shadow of its former self: I stopped shopping there c.2004 and whenever I go in now I just wince.

  11. Ah yes the good old chenille cardigan, I think I may have even had a chenille top at one point!

    Not impressed with TopShop, what is with the crochet! I dont think I can even remember the last time I bought anything from there, unless tights are counted!

  12. Are these for real? I haven't been in topshop in YEARS, not since they put the price of their jeans up to £40 (sure it's more now) just because they could.

    Although I do still have, and wear, my black chenille cardigan!

  13. Wow, those are pretty impressive specimens of hideousness. I agree though, I used to love Topshop, then as I got older (and curvier) everything stopped working on me. And well now... I think it's for odd 14 yr olds who maybe think any of these might be in the slightest bit fashionable (perhaps that statement says more about me though...)

  14. I think it may be an age thing, as my 16 year old sister recently said to me on the phone that she was sooo excited about coming to stay coz we could go to Topshop and she just HAD to have a pair of super skinny pink jeans. Right then.

  15. Short shorts you can see through. For when normal hotpants aren't enough.

  16. I gave up on topshop a long time ago. such over priced tat...especially in ireland, if it was 35pounds they think they can just switch the numbers and charge us 53 euro!!

  17. I too have given up on Topshop. I'm sure I had a waistcoat made of the same stuff as those shorts from Topshop in the early 90s. Perhaps if they updated their stock I would start shopping there again.

    These days, I prefer Cos.

  18. I have been laughing out loud/crying from 'scab-coloured' onwards.