I may well be crazy
Friday, November 01, 2013
When I was a teenager, I kept a diary. I haven't looked at it in years, firstly because I'm not 100% sure where it is (a situation with extreme awkwardness potential, given that my brother now sleeps in my former teenage bedroom) and secondly because I know the first page contains some godawful emotive ramblings inspired by a visit to Culloden and I don't think I could cope with the crippling embarrassment of reading it.
If I could overcome these hurdles, though, I don't know that re-reading my diary would paint a particularly accurate picture of those years. My diary-keeping habits followed a set pattern. When I was wallowing in some overblown friend-related drama, or filled with unrequited yearning for the wise-cracking boy in my physics class, I would churn out pages and pages of painfully unselfconscious warblings. When, on the other hand, I was calm and happy - which was most of the time, because my friends were mostly lovely and physics boy quickly succumbed to my charms - I had no interest in writing. I was too busy doing.
Lately, with blogging, the pattern seems to have reversed. 2013 has been a profoundly crap year for me with one thing and another, and the month of October wins a gold star for being the Crappest of Them All. But instead of spilling my guts, I clam up. This is a public space, and I prefer to keep my dirty washing in the huge untended pile in the middle of my bedroom, where it belongs. And since all my washing is dirty at the moment (this is no longer just a metaphor; I really need to do some washing), I blogged precisely nothing in the entire month of October. Not one word. I think that might be a personal record (of lameness).
I am the queen of procrastination. I can put off anything, anytime. This blog is just one of many aspects of my life that have been put on the back burner while I deal with some Hard Stuff. But the time has finally come, my friends, for this to stop. Or rather, for me to start. Start writing, start thinking, start pulling myself out of the slump in which I've been wallowing.
To that end, I am going to attempt to drag this blog back to life with my bare and bloody hands, by going from one extreme to another.
This November, I am going to attempt to publish a blog post every day.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
This harebrained scheme was inspired by a few bloggers I know who are participating in the Blog Every Day In November challenge. There's a prompt for each day, which I'm going to use as a vague guide, but I can tell you right now I have fuck all to say on the subject of "National Stress Awareness Day" (6th November), among others, so I will probably go off-piste a few times.
In all honesty, I'm not expecting to manage every single day. Fate may well intervene - work is extra busy just now, my mum hasn't been doing that well of late, and the end of November might as well be the end of the century if my ability to predict what might happen is anything to go by. All I can do is try. So here we go.
Wish me luck.
(Those of you who subscribe by email, I apologise for what I am about to do to your inbox. If it's any consolation, you're my favourites.)
SEE ALSO:
Images:1. Globo by Daniela Dahf Henriquez 2. Friedrich Kunath, Untitled, 2009
20 boats moored
Firstly, I am sorry you've been having a crappy year, especially this last month.
ReplyDeleteI'm delighted to hear we'll be reading more of you over the next few weeks. Could I possibly suggest one thing? I've always wanted to hear more about the two months you worked away from your regular job, especially give what a long commute it was for you every day and the type of work you were doing. So if you run out of ideas, that is something I would love to read about.
Really excited to see where this project takes you!
Glad to hear you're doing this as I miss your writing lady! Sorry you've had the crappiest of years, sending big hugs for you and your mum xxx
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you Kirsty. Lets get coffee, okay?
ReplyDeleteI think your blog is gonna be one of my favourites, I'm loving this #BEDN challenge already, great post :)x
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you. I hope everything starts to get better soon, keep remembering that after the darkest periods comes light, it really does. I look forward to reading you through November (and beyond), I really like your writing. But most of all I hope you feel better, do take all the time you need.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your mom and your crap October, Kirsty. Good luck with November. I really, really hope it brings some light and peace for you.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you're having a sucky time of it just now love. It's nice to read your words again though, I'm looking forward to your November posts. Huge internet hugs to you xx
ReplyDeleteSending love and inspiration. And a shoulder/ear if ever you need it.
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Thanks so much guys. I missed you!
ReplyDelete...firstly, no need to apologise :) I am sorry you've been having a sucky time of things - I totally get it about your 'keeping it off the internet': these things are sometimes too personal and too close to share, at least until you're out the other side... But, I am very glad to hear you are now putting your game fame on again and throwing yourself in the deep end - sometimes that really is what is needed, for all the navel-gazing we can get caught up in. The topic-prompts suggested sound interesting and I will look forward to reading your doubtless snarky and ever-humorous take on them - it will be good for you to lighten the load. Good luck too with writing everyday. I did something similar through June this year to kick start my new blogging habit and although lots of work (and stress), it was fun and definitely pushed me into momentum once more. Enjoy. And again, so glad you are back :)
ReplyDeleteand PS, no you're not crazy - at least not in a bad way ;)
DeleteI'm so sorry. And I completely understand clamming up. I tend to do the same. At least for me, there seems to be a middle ground of misery when it feels good to get it out, but at a certain point I just can't. But writing and sharing, about whatever, will likely be a great release. Looking forward to it!
ReplyDeleteMy journal-writing is the exact same way. In the past year, I've tried to remember to write about the good stuff in there, too, so the anthropologists who discover it three generations from now don't think I'm just a whiny depressive child.
ReplyDeleteWriting always helps me, good or bad, to get everything out of my head and feel more balanced and calm. I hope the same happens for you this month!
Good luck. Sounds like the perfect challenge for you after such a hard October. Hopefully the blogging (and comments) will lift your spirits.
ReplyDeleteClaire xx
http://somewhereyonder.blogspot.co.uk/
Sorry to hear that it's been a shitty month - I've missed your witty writings. Hope November shapes up to be a better month for you x
ReplyDeleteJust... hugs. x
ReplyDeletesorry you've had such a crappy year chick, hugs!
ReplyDeleteso sorry to hear about the crap year, but I personally can't wait to read all of your posts for #bedn. Bring on the email notifications :-) xx
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear life's been crappy. I've missed your posts so really looking forward to getting a hearty dose of Kirsty in November x
ReplyDeleteI'm sad that this is being a crappy year for you but am enjoying seeing you and your beautiful blog again xx
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