If Goldilocks bought sparkly boots...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Ever since I read this post on Florence Finds (have you all seen Florence Finds, by the way? It's a new lifestyley blog from former Rock My Wedding blogger Rebecca Norris. It has the same kind of vibe as the wifey posts on RMW, with lots of fashion and interiors, and also some more cerebral offerings in the form of Florence's Book Club. It's pretty fun, if a little behind the times on certain things...) (wow that was an incredibly long parenthesis) (sorry) I have been lusting after a pair of sparkly shoes. 

The Christmas party season is looming large in my diary and I am b.o.r.e.d. of all my current shoe options. Plus I finally got rid of the bags in my wardrobe, so my options are actually fairly limited. In short, I have a vacancy for a pair of fabulous wear-with-anything party shoes, and I am damn well going to fill it.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I am finally beginning to recognise my sartorial and physical  limitations when it comes to shoes. Perhaps it's another sign I'm getting old? Anyway, in order to satisfy my new, grown-up, post-de-cluttering criteria, a pair of shoes must:

 Be versatile. Which means, for party shoes, it has to be black. Much as I adore gold and silver and sparkly rainbows, let's get real. I have five near-identical little black dresses in my wardrobe at this exact moment and I believe black opaque tights are one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. When it comes to party shoes, if it's going to go with everything, I'm with Henry Ford: any colour, so long as it's black.

 Not be too high. My 19-year-old self is shaking her head as I write this, but the big bag I sent off to the charity shop was stuffed to bursting with beautiful shoes, gorgeous shoes, shoes that I absolutely loved - I just couldn't wear them. I'm simply no longer interested in teetering around like Bambi, as the blood slowly pools in the balls of my feet and I lose all sensation in my toes, before tumbling head over too-high heels in front of a restaurant full of people (that's never happened to me. It's definitely not happened to me twice. On two separate occasions). Of course, "too high" is a highly subjective concept. Under four inches should do it.

Be amazing. Clearly.

Oh, and be reasonably inexpensive. So that rules out these bad boys.

After conducting extensive internet research when I was meant to be working, I eventually found myself perusing the offerings of a certain online catalogue store. Desperation had clearly set in - I can't say this was a website I had ever tried before. But by this stage I had narrowed my search from "generic party shoes" to "very specific style of black sparkly boots" (why do I always do this?) so I was willing to try anything.

And guess what? They had not one, not two, but FOUR black sparkly boot options. Who'd have thought it.


I think we can all agree that, even for a person who likes sparkles, these are ever so slightly OTT. Unless you are looking for the perfect boots to complete your gay pirate costume, in which case, your search is over.


I do like a shoe boot, but these have a touch of the Christmas elf about them. Plus I can tell just from looking at them that they breach the four-inch maximum. Moving on.

I just don't even know what to say.

Well, I hope they are, anyway. I have ordered them, in spite of having to jump through an obscene number of hoops to do so, including being duped out of a free delivery offer before being required to enter into a compulsory credit agreement for a store account. The account carries an eye-watering APR of 39.7%, which is even more shocking than those Uggs. I feel guilty for giving my business and my money to a company that plasters a bright pink "WHY WAIT?" all over its site (um, "because I can't afford it"??) but shoe shopping is HARD, and I was tired, and I knew I would pay it off and cancel the account immediately anyway. 

Still. The shame persists. All I can say is, when these shoes finally arrive, they'd better look gooooood.

Anyone made any exciting Christmas party purchases recently?

UPDATE: east side bride just posted about these sparkly boots. I am so ahead of the game.

Silver sparkly boots: Le Blog de Betty. The others are from very.co.uk but I can't bring myself to link to them, the irresponsible money-stealing bastards. Ooh, speaking of money *tenuous link alert* there are some super interesting comments over on yesterday's money post on Any Other Wedding. Well worth a visit.

13 boats moored

  1. I would definitely vote for no.4, although I've been secretly lusting over a certain pair which highly resembles No.2 I 'm dreading a trip to TK Maxx for Christmas party shopping, but I've never bought a pair of shoes online...

  2. Hahaha "I'm simply no longer interested in teetering around like Bambi", you sure know how to make me smile.
    I like the rainbow ones though.

  3. Why do the shoes need to be black if everything you're going to wear them with is.... black? Surely the only reason something *has* to be black is if it's got to go with lots of different colours?

  4. I agree with Cara, but then I am a colour junkie. I would have you wearing prints with prints with honey-monster coats and neon boots until you passed out.

    Those disco Uggs are utterly heinous. I hope I see somebody wearing them.


  5. Ooh, pretty! I hope we will be seeing a picture of your Christmas party outfit?

    I haven't given up on the stupidly high shoes - I just take a bigger handbag in which to put some flats! But this may be mainly because I am very short...


  6. Cara and Penny, you make a good point. I do actually have some non-black stuff too and have been trying to incorporate a bit more colour into my life (the yellow skirt! The red jeans! Oh wait, I never got the red jeans. But still, I thought about it!).

    I did consider gold glittery boots for a while, since gold is of course a neutral, but all I could find were things like this so eventually I gave up.

    I'm going to pick the shoes up at lunchtime so will update then...

  7. Blame it all on Miu Miu:).

  8. those are SO GOOD. you definitely need the red pants, immediately.

  9. now I can certainly see that the "ugly Uggs" might not appeal to the young and trendy BUT to a 68 yr old granny who lives in the redwoods they would certainly be more stylin' than the plain old black suede Uggs I currently own!!!

  10. Ha ha! I'm behind the times!

    *pulls tongues*

    Better up my game ;)

    Thanks so much for the mention Kirsty - super grateful!


  11. Ha ha don't worry Rebecca, if you ever want any fashion tips, you know where to come... ;)

    You're very welcome - really enjoying the new blog x

  12. Oh crap I am seriously behind the times. Dangnamit. Stupid scheduling posts.

  13. Those boots are flipping amazing. I'm glad you didn't link to them – or I would have been tempted to find out how much they are!