Telling the Internet You're Pregnant: Some Dos and Don'tsThursday, April 03, 2014
Unless you are a very special person, you probably shouldn't share your bodily fluids with the world. Really, I'm just thinking of you here. You need to be careful. One day you're posting an innocent picture of a piece of plastic that's been optimistically doused in your urine, then before you know it you're sharing your child's first crap with the internet. It's a slippery slope, my friends. Literally.
Do tell rambling stories about knitting.
Obviously. Jokes about the price of petrol also work, as do deadpan tweets on April Fools' Day and funny stories about peeing on the aforementioned piece of plastic.
Unsolicited scan pictures I can frankly live without. When you've sat in a darkened room looking at a horribly still picture on a screen, other people's happy scans kind of lose their appeal. Even my own happy scan inspires mixed feelings. I had an extra early scan this time and immediately lost the slip of paper they gave me with the blobby picture on it. I think this bodes well for my parenting skills.
Don't promise not to change.
Everyone promises they won't turn into a boring baby drone. Then EVERYONE TURNS INTO A BORING BABY DRONE. It's fine - it's a fairly major life development, after all - but let's not lie to ourselves and each other, mmkay? You are probably going to mention motherhood once or twice or a million times. That's ok! It's your blog/twitter/instagram/life! You can talk about whatever you want! Own it, girlfriend!
This is my way of saying I'm probably going to mention the fact that I'm knocked up on the blog, at least once or twice. I've always written about whatever's on my mind, and the pregnancy has been weighing heavily on my mind (and on my bladder) for the last 18 weeks or so. Coincidentally (or not), my blog has gone to shit over that time, because I couldn't write about the one thing that I couldn't stop thinking about. This explains my recent reliance on silly pictures and few words (in fairness though, I can't really claim that's a new development).
Do be gracious, do be grateful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your lovely comments, emails and tweets yesterday. (Side note: if further evidence of the decline of blog commenting in favour of social media were needed, I received easily double the number of tweets compared to comments here. All congratulations, compliments and hugs are of course welcome in any form, but I so wish there was a way to preserve those tweets forever!)
I was painfully conscious when writing yesterday's post of not wanting to cause hurt or distress to anyone who is struggling to conceive, has lost a baby or for whatever reason finds news like this upsetting. From my own meagre experience I know how difficult it can be to hear, and I don't know if I managed to find the right balance or not. It's been such a sweet relief for me to have something positive to focus on and tell people, rather than my usual tale of woe, that it's easy to get carried away. If that happens, you have my blessing to channel Ann Perkins in Parks and Recreation and say, "I mean sure, congratulations, whatever, but ooh! No! Boooooo!" *thumbs down* (Why is there not a gif of this? There really should be.)
For my part, I'm so grateful to have received such huge love and support from all of you and feel very lucky to have made it this far. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you guys are the best.
Do create a sneaky secret Pinterest board (or four).
Secretly pin pictures to them for months, then make them all public at the same time. Realise belatedly that this makes you look like a psycho who pinned seven thousand pictures of babies hanging out with dogs and pregnant women who probably didn't buy their outfit in Mothercare in one giant, late-night, hormone-fuelled Pinterest binge.
Don't use the word "sperminated", even though it's clearly the best word ever.