#bourgeoismiddleclassdouchebagblogpost

Wednesday, June 11, 2014


The second most middle-class moment of my life occurred last night.

My pregnancy yoga instructor, in attempting to help us to calm our swirling thoughts, encouraged us to picture ourselves as "coffee grounds slowly settling to the bottom of a cafetière."

PREGNANCY YOGA. CAFETIÈRE METAPHORS. Good grief.


In case you were wondering, the number one most middle-class moment of my life was the time I googled "Can dogs eat quinoa?"

(They can.)


Karolina Kurkova shot by Norman Jean Roy for Tatler Russia May 2014. Title inspired by this post of yore, which I really should repost over here sometime.

9 boats moored

  1. I think you would appreciate (and most likely already know about) the "Overheard in the West End" fanpage on facebook.

    one of my favourites: In Hillhead - Yummy Mummy to Super Dad friend "I feel that way, you know when you're just so tired and you have to eat lots of blueberries and beetroot juice to recover?"

    also (not family related but still good)
    In the Glasgow university union, these exact words heard over my shoulder:
    'You cannot tell me that your taste buds are so mature that you can tell when a pheasant is under-seasoned'

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    1. There is a @HeardinDidsbury account too:
      'She is generating more eggs from two quails that her and her family can eat.'
      and
      "Our electrician replaced the light switches with chrome switches rather than brushed steel. Will this EVER end?"
      and
      Boy 4yo "Mama I likes the smokey fish." Mother "Smoked salmon? Of course you do, you have a sophisticated palette."
      are some of my favs ;)

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  2. And a good Twitter account - @middleclassprob

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  3. My most middle class douchebag moment was when I became genuinely distressed upon realising that the avocado I had bought to make fresh guacamole was from Israel.

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  4. You see, owning a Labrador you NEVER have to google that sort of thing. They can - and indeed do - eat pretty much everything. Even things that don't seem edible. And things that definitely shouldn't be edible.

    I expect you were DECAFFEINATED Fairtrade coffe grounds. Obv.

    Best thing I heard was in an ice cream queue in Aldeburgh (home of the Boden-clad) a small boy of maybe 4 years wailing: "But Mummy, I want pist-arsh-io". In my day, children knew of vanilla or chocolate. Or strawberry if they were a bit 'artistic'.

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  5. Haha! Ain't no shame in just being bourgeois middle class, love. We are what we are. I think you'd only have been a douchebag if *you* were the one quoting coffee ground metaphors at poor unsuspecting members of the public. ;) God bless yoga teachers.

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  6. The other day, in Waitrose (obvs) I said, observing baby's swiftly-healed forehead shiner (she is one of those kids that gets her parents on the 'suspicious' list at A&E) "Wow, that arnica really does work!"

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