Imagine you reach into your fridge for the milk bottle at a critical moment (say, there's a cup of hangover tea brewing in your mug, or the half-made bechamel for your we-might-not-have-a-flat-but-we'll-always-have-cheese macaroni is busy congealing in a pan) only to find that the milk is past its use-by date. What do you do? Give the bottle a cursory sniff, recoil in horror and chuck it in the recycling? No! No you do not! Here's how to tell if your milk is still drinkable.

They key thing is not to sniff the bottle. Those crusty dried bits of milk at the neck of the bottle will always smell gross, and you could end up throwing away perfectly good milk, and tea, and macaroni cheese. Instead, get a clean glass and pour a couple of inches of milk into it, step away from the crusty bottle-top, and stick your nose right in there.

If it smells fresh (or doesn't really smell of anything), you may proceed to step two: have a sip. Admittedly, this part can be hit or miss. If it tastes fresh or just the right side of creamy, it's good to go. If it's sour or cheesy, well, oops. Sorry about that. Hope you had your toothbrush handy. But hey, better to realise now than when your cup of tea tastes like you stirred the milk in with your big toe after walking all day in ballet pumps, right?


I think the fact that I've used this glass trick more than once in the past two weeks probably tells you everything you need to know about what I've been up to. Comfort food intake is at an all-time high, while shopping for food at normal human intervals has taken something of a back seat. Flat-hunting can really sap the soul.

But it's all okay now because we have finally found a flat! With walls and everything! Just don't mention the dog. (Or the garden or the dishwasher that we do not have. Especially the dishwasher. I'm still in mourning.)

Okay. This post has literally exhausted my supply of handy household hints, unless you count sweeping up dust bunnies from the bathroom floor while sitting on the toilet (multi-tasking!). Anyone got any good ones for me? Tips on staying sane - and married - without the benefit of a dishwasher would be especially welcome...


Polkadot milk bottle and cow milk bottle both by Hanne Rysgaard

1. Visiting the Olympics.
2. Watching the Olympics.
3. Talking about the Olympics.
4. Volunteering at Fringe by the Sea.
5. Hunting for a dog-friendly flat with a garden and a dishwasher.
6. Planning and executing Blonde Bridesmaid's hen do. There's a decent chance I'm still drunk.
7. Sleeping on early morning trains.
8. Hunting for a dog-friendly flat, garden and dishwasher optional.
9. Wishing the Olympics were still on.
10. Suffering complete mental block for anything I could possibly give him. Seriously, I've got nothing. Nada.
11. Hunting for a flat. Any flat. Walls optional.
12. Sleeping on early evening trains.
13. Panicking unproductively.
14. Sleeping, generally.

Really, number 10 is the problem. You'd think being together for so long would mean I'd be brimming with ideas. Surely I know what the man wants by now? You would think so. But you'd be wrong. Remember, this is the eleventh birthday I've had to buy for. That's a lot of presents, and believe me, there have been some excellent ones over the years. Unfortunately, it looks like I only had ten good ideas in me, and now I'm picking through rejects from birthdays past, praying for inspiration to strike. My latest suggestion of "Kirsty Will Walk the Dog" vouchers, redeemable on demand, was not met with the excitement I'd been hoping for. (Apparently I'm supposed to walk her anyway. Whatever.)

I've got two days to get him something.

Fuck.


Talk birthday presents to me, people. Where do you find ideas? What's the best birthday present you've given or received? Actually, screw that - what's the worst? Please make me feel better about the fact that I'm probably about to give my husband a bottle of HP sauce wrapped up in kitchen roll for his birthday.


{High-waist orange knickers from pretty mommy}

Huge thanks to Jane for asking me to play stylist for the day. Over a year ago, I wrote about Jane and Kristen and their choice to lead a creative life, to bring something beautiful into the world that wasn't there before. For Jane to have confidence in my ability to do the same feels pretty darn excellent.

Please, please go and visit her site to see the rest of the shoot and the full collection in all its glory.


Soo... what do you think?

(If you're thinking, "Hang on, is that model naked?", the answer is, fortunately, no.)

"To be honest, I think commuting for four hours every day will be a blessing in disguise. I'll have so much time to write while I'm on the train."

- Me, last week.